They are two simple questions, but they can make a surprisingly big difference.

              Even better, they are questions that can be asked entirely in your mind, making it possible to benefit from the answers without anyone ever knowing what happened.

              For me, the first one usually comes after I realize I’m fretting about something.

It is this: What am I thinking and feeling?

Asking that question gives me a chance to put a name to the emotions that are having an impact on my attitudes and maybe even actions.

I read somewhere some time ago, that humans are the only creatures that think about their thoughts.

This is, I think, a sign of intelligence. But also, a source of angst.

Sometimes our thoughts are a boon to our lives, sometimes they are not.

Take, for example, this summer’s family reunion.

After securing the location, I was coordinating the schedule, the meals, the activities.

And I was stressed.

Here is an example of the thoughts and feelings that were going through my head: Will everyone arrive safely? Will everyone get along? Will everyone have enough time for what they want to do? Will everyone be perturbed when I take too many pictures? Will anyone break their leg? Will we all get COVID? Will the room assignments offend? Will everyone be wearing the right colors for the group photo? Will the grandkids pull faces all through the photo shoot? Will the games I have planned bomb? Will the weather work with our plans? Should I plan more activities? Should I plan less. Am I packing the right clothes?

And if you’ve ever been in charge of a reunion, you know this is only a fraction of the thoughts and feelings that were swirling.

So I asked myself the second question, which is this: What do I want to be thinking and feeling?

The answers came just as quickly: I should be grateful to be getting my family together. I should be happy they could manage schedules and make us a priority. I should be comfortable knowing that because of our shared history and love, we can make it all work. I should be looking forward to sharing the love I have for them with them.

Something happens when you start to think about what you should be feeling instead of what your mind, with all its natural ability to creatively worry and fret, is more likely to be thinking.

You get calm. And happy. And maybe you even smile inside.

It works with getting up in the morning. It works when sitting through a meeting. It works when dealing with a difficult personality.

What am I thinking and feeling?

What do I want to be thinking and feeling?

And you might go from worried to excited, from bored to fascinated, from perturbed to grateful.

If we’re going to be thinking about what we’re thinking about, we might as well do it right.

And then we can be grateful for the peace of mind – and maybe even joy -- that follows.

Oh, and, P.S., we had the reunion. Nobody broke their leg.

This column appeared in the Davis Journal of Davis County, Utah, in August 2024.